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About Rowan

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  • Birthday 04/18/97

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  1. THANK U
  2. I wanted at least 5 pages of salt after this, where are the Lorraines and NSE?????
  3. me 2
  4. The Jaws Of A Lion A HLPD report of what happens when a shit sandwich gets thrown against a blender Imagine the scene; the North, vast, untamed, a wilderness of beauty and peace. Lannister children play outside of the castle walls, safe in the knowledge that no predators of ghetto lancers or Florance will come and take their virginity or their tincan. But then, abruptly, from the castle ruin of Moat Cailin poured the unwashed hordes of Lorraine and North Sea barbarians, ready to pillage the children and rape the land of Lannister. As such, in the King's' stead, KingsHand Balon Lannister rose up to the challenge and mounted a defence of Nordheim that would go down in history as Lannister tactical brilliance in the field. When the Knights of the realm answer the call to defend the motherland, they will do so with magnificence Forces Composition: House Lannister Commanders: KingsHand Balon Lannister - Commander of the infantry, leading the fight down the gatehouse into the Lorraine's behind (not in a gay way tho) Lord Polliver Lannister - Commander of the archers, although the job of archer has been outsourced to cheap Bolton labour, fine quality bowmen still serve the realm Lord Janos Lannister - Commander of the cavalry, a gentleman from an older, simpler time. Also a massive fucking lactose intolerant. Strength: 30.000 Grizzled, manly, sweaty, beautiful infantrymen 15.000 Bolton MG nests disguised as archers 15.000 Lannister Knights made of testosterone and hair VS Kingdom of Lorraine Commanders: King Sednan Lorraine - The Chairman of FASD Strength: 60.000 Alcohol fetal affected children North Sea Empire Commanders: the guy with the cool buzzcut from vikings Strength: 35.000 LARPing fashion conscious individuals The Battles: Woah, woah, hold up there guys and gals, did you see I put, a plural of "Battle" there??? THATS RIGHT! Because after getting the shit kicked out of them the first time, the Lorraines had to get their North Seaman auxiliaries to help. I'll begin to breakdown the tragic events of how Nordheim became Treblinka for a few, sweet, beautiful minutes. Also due to the fact that this journalist is in the mature and fully developed Lannister Leadership, he maybe possibly probably forgot to take photos of the two CRUSHING victories. So thank you to @Star and @Valgarr for putting some screenshots on Steam for me to steal so I don't have to pay you any royalties HA! Now let's start with the journalism. In the afternoon hours of 10th of August the year of our Grace Tywin Lannister, the Lorraine King and his entourage of childminders called the banners of the eagle and marshalled their forces in Hell Stone. The ranks of Lorraine vermin grew to such an extent that with their inflated biceps and ego they thought themselves bold enough to take on the Lannister forces in Nordheim. Being outnumbered 2 to 1 KingsHand Balon Lannister called the banners to repel the rolling thunder of the Lorraine army. With a slight disadvantage against the Lannisters with numbers the battle was on, Lorraine bannermen breached the gates of Nordheim and broke through our second wall, however, the noble steeds of House Lannister's cavalry were lying in wait for them, and Lord Janos lead a charge into the Lorraine ranks, crushing the soft skulls of Lorraine infantry. KingsHand Balon lead the infantry across the walls and into the gatehouse, where we would lie in wait for Lorraine infantry who tried to get to the banner by the walls. With no Lorraine commanders deciding to take the initiative, House Lannister did so, the KingsHand steeled the footmen and lead a thunderous charge down into the Lorraine lines in the infantry, with spectacular effect. With the element of surprise and with Lorraines not being able to look up, the vanguard of Lorraine forces broke and they fled Nordheim with their back hair between their legs. A total and decisive victory for House Lannister Lannister Knight Alton ready to repel hostile tangos Lannister Knight Alton repelling hostile tangos But wait, there's more! After the Lorraines had been utterly defiled by the knobbed mace of House Lannister, they reached out to their North Semen allies in Monti, and attempted another push at our hold. This time as well as fighting disables, House Lannister would also have to fight children too, like anyone from the Lorraines trying to pull the odds were stacked against us. Now on the second assault the Lorraines had learned their lesson, and sent the NSE onto the walls to block our infantry in on the walls, leaving us cut off from the courtyard. Like a retarded child who learned that peekaboo was all a meticulous illusion the Lorraines thought that nothing could go wrong on this siege. BUT WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. When the NSE hit the deck of the walls Lannister soldiers rushed to repel them from our walls, and despite putting up a good defence their shield wall collapsed and they began to falter, taking the opportunity Lord Janos charged into the Lorraines in the courtyard and slew many a tincan. A Lannister welcoming party for the NSE, hire us while our diary is free! With the combined pressure of Lannister infantry on the walls, Lannister cavalry in the courtyard, and Bolton archers just everywhere, all enemies of House Lannister realised it was hopeless and began to retreat, like Ted on a saturday night many Germans were stabbed in the rear as they tried to call for help. Finally, the enemies of House Lannister realised that they couldn't break our strong walls or tarnish our reputation of being the undefeated defence masters of PW, and after two consecutive defeats they gave up with feeding a lion. PW's first blender in working order VICTORY BELONGS TO HOUSE LANNISTER
  5. As Destro hasn't responded I'll take it that he's fixed his issue. Locked.
  6. As the map has already been changed, I'll achieve this. Locked.
  7. Also I would of believed you when you logged back in, if you didn't jump when combat logged.
  8. Why did you crop off the date and time?
  9. Mount and Wait amirite!!!
  10. You do realise that Titan is a Turkish server?
  11. Chris fuck off
  12. By that logic every single admin in the staff would have to put all their bans past a HA. That would be abysmal to staff efficency.
  13. adminLAD